Title The Spy Next Door (2010)
Who's it for?: Kids who grew up with Operation Condor and First Strike and wish Jackie Chan was their dad. The female fans who grew up with Jackie Chan's martial arts films and would like to see him be a parent. Maybe fans of True Lies and Kindergarten Cop who thought why not see an Asian person also do Arnold Schwartzeneggar's turn from action to family stories?
Who made it?: Director Brian Levant, writers Jonathan Bernstein, James Greer and Gregory Poirier
Where is it?: Amazon
Length: 1:33:42 Like an hour and a half
I grew up watching Jackie Chan in movies, and it was always with extreme guilt that I rooted for his English speaking capability to grow. It's really my responsibility to learn some Chinese so I can better appreciate his earlier films like Sammo Hung's Wheels on Meals with the steering wheel prop used in a fight that led to a similar sequence in Rush Hour later.
The Spy Next Door delivered some classic acrobatic stunts that we've seen before but recontextualized the action within Bob Ho's mission to quit being an international spy and just get married and live a happy life in America. The film gently delivers a blunt message that Chinese or Hong Kong to American people are not the Chinese government and do want the same things in life that we all want. Outside of protecting company secrets or government or military strategies,
For those of us who wanted more lines for Jackie Chan in Kung Fu Panda and more character beats in general for him in his movies, The Spy Next Door completely delivered that sweet fan service. There is a date scene where he as Bob woos a gallery artist who is already a mother of children. He then attempts to win the love and respect of her children who then treat the relationship oddly like a competition. I sort of forgive the lazy writing since it's an action movie but there are more character scenes than usual.
Ultimately I think it's the Rush Hour action to keep the kids safe that wins them over more than the parenting lectures in the style of Kindergarten Cop, but Bob Ho is very verbal and likable throughout the character scenes. Chan has another "I hate English" blooper during the credits, but he succeeded at several wordy monologues in his second language. How many of us can do that? I'm still saving up for some Pimsleurs Mandarin CDs.
Bob Ho as a parental figure is a charismatic narcissist trying to verbally teach discipline while speeding through the organizational and transportation related chores of the day. I feel kind of guilty admitting how enjoyable it is to hear him sing a lullabye to the youngest child in Chinese, and the movie team knows I secretly wanted a moment like this from Jackie Chan so there's more than one lullabye scene. He acknowledges the emotional needs of the family somewhat while attempting to hide his spy job from them. The restaurant scene is fairly good too if full of written cliches. The teacher conference is where my suspension of disbelief snaps-- I think the kids' mom should have gone instead and the scene should have failed the Bechdel test to deliver a report card conversation about how the family feels about Bob's contributions to their daily life. Or have information he learned about them revealed to their principal who is so well played by Esodie Geiger that I wish they had swapped casting so Billy Ray Cyrus could be the principal and Esodie Geiger could be life saving law enforcement backup in the climactic fight.
The Russian spies in this film are almost too scary for a family film with their believable fight choreography and prop use albeit with somewhat cartoony dialects. Talking sounded cheesy but the meaning of their plans was an effective hyperbole about oil spill cleanup. Chemicals used are not really this bad when they destroy shoes over time, but sped up for the weapon demonstration they made me want to look up the environment effects of oil spills and cleanup procedures.
I should probably talk about Billy Ray Cyrus and George Lopez appearing in the crime plot as spy ally and traitor respectively, but I really don't want to. There's maybe one good turncoat moment from Lopez. Cyrus lacked character and sense of purpose, just there because there's a point in cop stories when you have to call for backup, and this time he's the guy. Let's talk about the pet turtle instead.
I can't remember when a turtle appeared in previous Jackie Chan films, but Chan completely perfected his turtle gag for this film. It's a longer battle of holding the turtle, moments when it reaches out with it's neck and gets bite-happy. I like the actual animal enough to forgive the pent up men in this world who are too obsessed with them.
The film's one weak point is the kid characters, both due to shallow writing and maybe directing choices leading to weak performances. I laughed the hardest at an entitled, "I'm going to make those kids like me." Bob Ho reminded me of Arnold Schwartzeneggar in Kindergarten Cop and also in True Lies at the same time. The adversarial nature of the children shows weak writing and weaker directing, but they do have an arc where the oldest daughter as leader changes her mind and respects Bob, the middle child finds ways to be strong and take care of himself, and even the youngest child has a moment of success in defending the house from intruders.
The weight of the kid plot in the script goes to Madeleine Carroll as teen daughter Farren. She's most convincing in the restaurant scene [change focus from Bob checks if she is being asked out to what Farren accomplished in the scene.] It's more irritating when she both starts the arc of the kids not accepting Bob and at the emotional climax when she begs her mother to not reject him. I'm not sure whether it's more the script or her emotional communication. It's definitely the script's fault that all the goals she is involved in are about dating [check one and Bob has to win her over to marry her mother, resulting in the trope of a wannabe parent quasi-dating his intended child. It feels unhealthy and why can't she have meaningful goals he encourages her to take further on her own without a boyfriend, or show her already dating a chosen partner, or test whether Bob is OK with supporting her choosing a girlfriend or something?
It doesn't have to be a critically acclaimed movie to be super fun. Despite its flaws, The Spy Next Door has a fun stage persona from Jackie Chan and repeats of his best moments with more meaning and charaacter story behind them. I am sorry this film may have gotten a poor release during Covid, and I don't regret purchasing it to laugh, yell at the TV, and remain in awe of the action. He's still got great talent as an acrobat, martial artist, and actor, and he's still fun to watch.
